This morning on the bus, when i was too frustrated with the physics notes in my hand, i started thinkng actually starring into space la. hah. suddenly i realize life is just a growing process.

In life,
we experience failure through that we laern from our mistakes and become stronger
we experience success sth we are always aiming towards
we experience being into relationships and getting out of it
thru that we get hold of a better understanding abt ourselves and wad we are looking for for our life partner
we experience the dryness and with it comes the fun.

mayb its singapore society or maybe its this increasingly globalized world, i just realised we would forever be on our feet trying to grab success . Mayb its just me. From young i have studied so hard to reach the stage i am in now. and i often tell myself, its ok just have to get pass alevels and everything else would be less stressful. but no. university stil require you to mug and after uni the working society still require you to be always alert and prepared. life is so tiring like that. when u can finally relax, you are probably too old to really enjoy the pleasures of life. ultimately, we would leave this world without any material possessions so why do we have to work so hard for sth we cannot really take with us.

i dont need to be the next minister or the next entrepreneur of the year or some bigshot. i just want to lead a calm, peaceful and happy life. sometimes th process is indeed more important than the end result. if we dont enjoy the process, we wont enjoy life. because, life is a process itself.

ok back to real life, econs is screwed badly. this is the first time i panicked in jc exam. wow. for econs. i am usually quite confident for case study, as in like at least can pass, but i know the amount of crap i wrote this time. its like mayb can pass if its mrs long la oops. prelims are really screwed for me in general. and i can already anticipate how upset i would be . hahas. over failures. i suppose i ought to learn from them!

whenever i see old people, i would find them very ke lian. esp my 2 grandmas, the current circumstances just suck. mayb i wil try to do sth after As. money is still impt after all, in order to survive.

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My stress level now is undescribable.not of studies but of family.my grandma fell down last night. and this had been troubling the adults. cos she totally cannot walk le. although it doesnt directly involve me althogh she is currently staying at my hse. the tension and later the confirm plus cop quarrel in my hse is going to drive me crazy. i dunno how to take prelims in this state. i rather not take.not only am i ultimate unprepared, my current mood and state really don allow me to tae. i dunno who to talk to . i don wan to talk to anyone. why is it that everytime there is a upcoming exam then things will turn out like that. june ols is the first time and i nearly went crazy ready. this time its even worse. i cannot focus or concentrate on my studies. i am going crazy!if i ever get thru this stage, i would be some super person. i dunno wad would happen if i dont get thru. all i know is that i cannot put any more pressure on my mum. she cant take it anymore. i am so afraid that she will break sometimes for tolerating and hadling so much. what would happen if i dont get thru this. i dunno./ i know i have to . but i dont have any mor eenergy to convince myself anymore. i am really very tired. very tired. the worst thing is. my personality. i cant take failures, i know i cant afford to fail my prelims. i know. i dunno how. some times i just wish i can disappear from the world. why am i so affected by something that is not really m,y business. why cant i learn from my sister. be indifferent to everything. i am too family oriented. i am tired from being like that. realli. i wish i can take medicine and just sleep for the next two weeks. i cant see light not. haahs.

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