yeah. sometimes i am really so confused! at this moment i am just relly confused. over wad i shld do, how i shld act! yep! i am so confused over wad i want in my life also. just feels very very lost. esp recently. experienced many diff kind of emotions. good and bad. i guess disappointment, fun, irritated, touched. all the diff kind of emotions . so tired. yep. it had been a tiring week for me overall. hall camp was not bad, except that for the first few days i really had to zihigh on my own, kinda tiring. after that when my og mates become more high, i became quite low. cause of ya....hahah. missed sentosa games as well.lol.sometimes it sucks to have very negative feelings, but i seem to have quite a lot of these feelings recently. maybe thats why i am tired. maybe.

oh gosh, i became so dark, disgusting! sch is starting and i dont have any close frens in my tutorial grp. most of my closer frens seem to be in group B. sadly to say. oh well, i wil just take wads given to me. so tired of fighting for the things i want. from nbs to hall camp. fight fight fight. yep i got it, but am i going against wad is planend for me. oh well. maybe its time for me to go church and listen to some positive talk.

this break had really been a growing up process for me. i shld really go find out more abt everything and start planning for my univerity life. start to be myself, and lead an enriching uni life:D

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goshhhhhhh! so long since i update. so many twists and turns recently in my life although everything turns out to be fine in the end:D haha! hall 9 issue and hall 9foc issue:D woah! so excited and yet kind of nervous for tomoro's camp:D always have thiskind of mixed feelings:D i hope my hall 9 foc og would be as nice as necro:D then the camp would be superb liao! hope not many ppl know each other beforehand! otherwise form clique right at the start confirm sian diao! hahah! ok! i am like not going to play the ppol games, not gonna jump the dive board! hahah! quite loser! hahah! no not going to! scare myself to death! iacts camp, the first camp that i went to was super fun! mainly due to the nice ppl there! then tri-uni was quite ok only, not that fun! although in the end mixed quite well with the ppl in bambam!but it was like after that. hahah! next up was nbs foc 1 mth agoooooo! gosh it had been a mth! hahaha! and that was a very fun camp with well-planned activities and nice ppl! hope hall 9 foc would be great too! or is it like a pattern, good bad good bad! gosh! wil sian diao can! hahaha! anw, its a good opportunity to get to know more ppllll! and all my gd frens are in the camp!!!!!!! nbs good frens and wx and kq! wahahha!not forgetting roomie yt! hahah!

feeling sick! everytime before camp i wil fall sick! hahah! this is bad! i think maybe i need some time to clear some thoughts! suddenly from this week onwards,, everything is going so fast, i feel so overwhelmed already! haven got time to settle down , chill, relax, spend quality time with my family. its just bz bz and more bz. ever since the first camp, my life have become so much busier! gosh! i must calm down and control my life!!!!!!!

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5 more days to know my hall result! i am getting exasperated! hoping everythng would be fine! super irritating to have to wait! ultimate bad mood these few days! wa sian la! i think only when i am more bz then i will feel better! super scared i get posted to random halls! cause i most prob wont be able to attend hal camp liao by this rate. esp when quite a lot of halls have their hall camp in the coming week hall 9 also haven get back to me yet. feeling sian liao. i dont think they will also , cause i am not under hall 9 wad. everything just seems so screwed up. feeling exeptionally low now and when i am not outside.

must keep myself bz bz and bz to take my mind off al these problems.

yesterday was talkng on msn with a few ppl. had htht with few ppl too. wadever! i dunno wad i want. or i shld say history seems to be repeating itself. and yeah i dont really wish to share abt it! i am just sian. nth big anw. sometimes its just so hard to change. i thought i would be able to, but no i was wrong. lol

i think i heaty la, lead to easily irritable lead to emo. hahahha!! i wil be fine tomoro!:D i hope:D

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oh gosh la, my hall application became ultimate screwed up! lol! planned my whole day activities liao in the end have to cancel the afternoon stuff. Yesterday i was really super anxious la! almost up to the crying stage liao! evrything seemed so settled in the end this kind of cockup! super irritated can! and i hate going ntu! my nbs life is so super kanke la!!!! super irritating!but really this is mainly my fault, so ya shld just shut up and go on to salvage the situation, i suppose this is much mor eimpt. when i become nervous, i become super logical. weirdly. like yesterday night, i like super logical la. hahah!

was really touched when i see all those sweet msg from fren thru sms and fb:D i can feel my friends being truly concerned:D i love necro:D esp jac:D thanks cheese,jiawei and brandon too!haha! also, thanks yq and yt!!:D not forgetting benson!:D oh gosh, yeah this is the amt of ppl i was complaining to last night! hahah!actually there were some others as well! haha!

it really feels good to know that someone really care:D hope everything will turn out fine later:D

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oh gosh! i think i just lived passed a super hectic weekend:D friday went out with wx and kq for lunch then meet necro at mind cafefor dinner and games:D sat went out for tuition and after that birdstrike outing at night:D sunday went for mini walkathon in the morning with jc clique , tuition then mini food marathon with benson:D yesterday, national day went necro picnic then bambam outing at night:D oh my gosh la!!!!!!!!! i think i kinda disappeared from home the past 4 days! cant believe this man! i survived such a hectic weekend! this week is stil quite ok!!! yeah!!

working today! wanna take like half-day off to meet birdstrike at nus! then tomoro totally free! except working probably if have to work la! thurs have necro movie outing!!! the last airbender! so i will be looking for someone to watch salt with me:D hahahah! or mayb just organise another salt outing! hahha! super broke with all these outings la! but all super fun! if uni life is gonna be like that my gpa is gonna cui man! and everybody is just so fun!

friday might have s53 class dinner? dunno then sat have tuition and flea!!! going with mum then shuqin:D heheh, sunday not sure whether meeting zy they al! gosh! afer that is 3rd week of holiday liaoooooooooo! mayb if sch starts everyone is gonna get competitive, then i rather sch dont start!

oh well, like the earth wil stop rotating for me! haha!

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OH GOSh! had a really nice catching u session with my fav girlfrens:D wahaha! but i was kinda tired tday! after that had a really fun time at mindcafe with necro tooooooooooo! wahaha! they are really fun ppl to be with. i hope nobody change tooo much.

anyway, finally realise that being myself is really the best thing. even in dressing, wad i feel confident in , would make me feel good for the entire day:D

i am so excited cause of all the great ppl staying in same hall as meeeeeeeeee:D:D:D:D including all the nbs same hall de.:D:D:D

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oh gosh!! i am so gonna to self-entertain myself today!!! wahahha! but its really not emo at all! i am enjoying personal time as well sometmes:D hahah! gonna do some shopping and also gonna go cut hair! cant stand my ultra super long fringe already!!!

saw wx photos:D so sweeeet.. hahahhahaha! ok i cant wait to hear some good news from her man! this is wad we call fate and destiny! probably:D

yes benson! u see ur name appearing again! nice talking to u earlier! cant wait to hear ur stories on sunday:D:D try to go for og outing tooooo!

i am really gonna learn to accept myself, my looks my strengths my flaws, everything abt myself! yes from today onwards!!! i am srsly gonna try very very hard to accept! hahah! i shld learn to love myself! think i always blame myself for every small other thing and for things that have become history long ago! gosh la! why 'burden' myself!!!

only after i learn to love myself , can i learn to love others:D

LAST MTH OF HOLIDAYS:D:D:D:D

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Oh gosh! this week is gonna be super eventful! i cant wait! hahah! did a good deed today:D

this morning while i was rushing for work, there was this old lady that was standing around, she motioned at me to help her across the road dunno leh, feels very xin suan when i see old ppl! like super sad like that! i helped her across the road slowly, and in btw many ppl came to help! a nus student was doing flag raising,and came to offer her help, an uncle from his car came down as well. then after that 2 other passer-bys came to offer their help. all these ppl really brighten up my day and showed me the good-side of singaporeans! :D:D

singapore is still an awesome place to be in, with all these ppl arnd:D

hectic week ahead with plans everyday! so exciting! but the worst part is wad to wear!!! gosh! have to come up with so many different outfits!!!!! when is the next flea! ok this is bad, i am addicted to shopping at fleas! bad bad bad!

necro outing on friday! woots! i hope this first outing that i organise would be a success:D:D:D

why is it that i feel my eng becoming more broken! its time for more reading!!!

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YEP guss wad, that was wad the teacher tell me in the face in nan chiau high school! the sch where once was filled with many of my pleasant memories, oh well. i guess it was really my fault for under-dressing, wearing like a tube top and shorts. like super orbi la. caus e i totally forgot that i was returning to nchs the conservatice cheena sch, if its vj, probably everything wouldnt have been this bad no matter wad i wear.

anw, when me, yt and sharm were sitting at the canteen talking normally, this teacher, a new hod of aesthetics came and just tell me i was inapporpriately dressed, which i also know and felt bad towards, and attenpted to bring me to the general office to see mr ong, our fav principal. gues wad, both the P and VP not arnd, so she was super angry. here goes part of the convo

HOD: which batch are u all from
Me: 07 batch
HOD: 07 batch, thats so long ago, u al shldnt even be here, ex-students are banned from the canteen, and u girls are just eatin there not even with a single teacher!
HOD: Get a letter from the teacher stating the time and day u all are visiting!

after that she went off to scold the security guard:D

BANNED FRM THE CANTEEN! oh wow, thanks so much for that wonderful experience, be grateful that i din stomp this incident or write a complaint letter for your rudeness, cause u said at least 5 times of GET LOST to me! oh wow, but i did met miss neo and mdm chow and they were still as nice as ever

besides the few teachers that i ahve met, this hod just gave me uper good experience for returning back to my old sch. oh , not forgetting that contionously i was apologizing for my dressing. oh wow, just dont expect me to give any credit to NCHS when i turn successful one day, i wll rmb this incident abt ex-students not being welcome !

anw htht sessions with my girls rock!~ and they negate the screwed up portion of my day:D i will forget abt this incident soon, at first wanted to dress super smartly and return back to nc tomoro, but decided against it. after all, remembering ppl unkindness to me isnt exactly my forte:D:D

just be careful nchs ex students:D

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oh well... went flea for a shopping spree yesterday! din manage to meet shuqin in the end hahah! but i stil miss her a lot! having her arnd is always good company:D went flea with yanting and yeqi::D nice company too:D after that had talk sessions with yq at soup spoon and we went back to the flea again to buy stuff. oh gosh la! saw ANGKEQIN too! like mths since i have seen her! and its like woots! miss her and LEE WAN XIN! when can we meet up!! i am demanding it! hahahha! ok chill chill!

bought uni apparels so its like woots! hahah! gonna buy stuff again at the upcoming flea, the 14 aug one! for uni stuff:D i srsly cant imagine having to change clothes everyday for sch. srsly just kill me! hahah! anw, yesterday was fun and relaxing thruout. make me feel like i am really enjoying myself withn this break! ITS AUG ALREADY! SCH IS STARTING!!!! crap! quite nervous yet excited such mixed feelings man! wahahha!

later will be meeting my jc clique xinyi joel they all! for lunch. and probably catchup. long timeee no see them. a pity marli cant make it:D miss her like mad:D amy also:D

many thoughts ran thru my head. i guess, i am just easily influenced. ok like kinda random but yeah. i am starting to know who are the friends that i really wanna to maintain contact with, and who are those that i dont really want to. obviously like wad ppl benson and shuqin say if being together with a fren makes u more unhappy, make u scared make u upset, then the purpose of being with a fren is lost. friends shld be positive and u shld have fun when u are with them. yeah i have changed this time, not because of my environment but just willing to let go of stuff that i know dnt belong to me. its a hard skill and i am still in the process of learning.

oh well.. i am growing up, i need not be complicated, i believe some things are actually very simple. its just a matter of perspectives:D

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