xiii: you said move on (where do i go)

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title: Closure and a fresh start
date: Sunday, June 19, 2011
time:4:27 PM

Alright, after two mths of ambiguity, finally a definite ans. yeps not moving forward. at first i wonder, am i angry over the current state of events? angry because he was the one who initiated, yet throughout the decision always lies on his side. but when i ans, i realise i am not, weirdly. not that i am particularly nice. but i just think that, there isnt a point to be angry. since things are alrdy like this, being angry is not going to change anything. nope anger is not an emotion that i am feeling now. then i started thinking, am i upset? if i say no, i am really lying. i stil rmb yeqi once said that, i shld just let myself experience those emotions and after that move on with it. cant rmb when she said it. but yeah, kinda rmbed. allowing myself to be upset, sink to the bottom of the pits, only then can i strive on and be a stronger person. somehow i couldnt feel the sadness,

am i happy now? i really just feel restless. maybe more of relieved. i cant stand ambiguity. and i dont really like my stuff to be in the control of another person.

yesterday, while talking things out, i was really very proud of myself for being able to say like 50% . haha. yeah, din talked abt everything. how can one person really tell everything. LOL. at least i said sth. albeit having a fever. haha. i am just glad that somehow, i decided to trust you thruout. nope, u didnt fail me. i still believe that ur core is good. and thanks for telling me that you really liked me before. many ppl arnd could have told me how much u are playing with me, but i knw u are not. i knw that u truly cared for me. one day i look back, i might feel dumb, naive. but in love, i always believe that its either u give your everything, or you dont give at all.

i gave my everything, so i have no regrets. not every relationship can blossomed but every relationship is an invaluable experience.

Logic prevails for both of us. i noticed more similarities btw us. but maybe because of so, we are not really suited to each other. i wil be waiting, waiting for tht one person who can make my emotions triumph over my logic.

i went to check back some smses 1 yr ago. broke up last yr on 17th and yesterday was 18th. haha. random fact. maybe june hols have always been my bz period. thus susceptible to breakups. hahaa.

time will be able to heal everything i believe. and i knw i wil find someone more suitable for me. someday:) A fresh start because i have many many activities up! cambodia trip and focs. all that i have been looking for. all these will definitely help in my recovery too. he is worried that i wil change after this and wants to ensure that i am alright. however, in front of u, how can i ever ever show my weak side again. i cant. maybe thats my last way of preserving some dignity. although not like u rejected me or sth. hahaa. but its ok, u dont need to knw.

as usual, yyl will be fine. she nearly pulled somebody in, into her yellow yellow world. now, kinda exhausted cause she failed to pull that person in. but its alright anw. she will continue to stay in her happy yellow yellow world:)

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title: contented
date: Friday, June 17, 2011
time:1:39 PM

finally catch up with joel lam! yes. after not meeting for so long. i stil believe strongly in my friend's theory. as friends grow up in different directions, the amount of time we can give each other decreases, we can no longer talk on the phone as often, go out as often, blah blah blah. but ultimately, true frens will always be there for u when u need them most. and i am really lucky cause i knw i have many many true frens anrd me. all that i wil wanna keep for life. we might not meet often, but, that doesnt mean we dont care abt each other anymore. so thankful for everythign that i have. i am sure cambodia trip would be another fulfilling experience.

went for 3 vaccinations yesterday, my arm ache badly. haha. cant even lift them up properly. sadded. haha. it had really been a fulfilling holiday. maybe too fulfilling. doing so much . and i wanna experience so much more. haha. do thigns only if u really want to and not to please others. that wad i have learnt. now, if i go for outings, its not due to social pressure or anything. it will be because i really want to go.

i am sure, there will be a conclusion and direction tmr. i hope so anw. its time for a show-hand. haha. lame.

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title: :)
date: Monday, June 13, 2011
time:9:45 PM

troubled for 2 mths alrdy, over some stuff. haha. but anw, today's post is not related to that at all. in office now. oops. slackign my last few minutes away :) just wanna say that its nice to knw that somewhere, someone that u haven really been keeping contact with actually cares abt u. yep, i am talking abt u! the one that i spoke to on msn earlier. haha. if u ever sees this. its really a nice feeling. and u are really someone special. yeps :) a great person!

met up with amy today. omg, it had been 1.5 yrs. haha. cant believe it honestly. reminisce abt jc life, harmoc, and allt he rubbish we once had.:) quite fun, and nice. yeps. catch up with all their lives. everyone is moving in different directions. sometimes, fate is really just so so playful?! haha. bringing everyone tgt from diff backgrounds, then we wil make frens with those that we are suited with?! hahha

yeqi say i ahve been unhappy for 2 mths :( to think abt it, maybe. haha. but i have my happy moments too. maybe just that i never say? haha. i hope so la. haha. but now adopting a more carefree attitude!:)

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