My stress level now is undescribable.not of studies but of family.my grandma fell down last night. and this had been troubling the adults. cos she totally cannot walk le. although it doesnt directly involve me althogh she is currently staying at my hse. the tension and later the confirm plus cop quarrel in my hse is going to drive me crazy. i dunno how to take prelims in this state. i rather not take.not only am i ultimate unprepared, my current mood and state really don allow me to tae. i dunno who to talk to . i don wan to talk to anyone. why is it that everytime there is a upcoming exam then things will turn out like that. june ols is the first time and i nearly went crazy ready. this time its even worse. i cannot focus or concentrate on my studies. i am going crazy!if i ever get thru this stage, i would be some super person. i dunno wad would happen if i dont get thru. all i know is that i cannot put any more pressure on my mum. she cant take it anymore. i am so afraid that she will break sometimes for tolerating and hadling so much. what would happen if i dont get thru this. i dunno./ i know i have to . but i dont have any mor eenergy to convince myself anymore. i am really very tired. very tired. the worst thing is. my personality. i cant take failures, i know i cant afford to fail my prelims. i know. i dunno how. some times i just wish i can disappear from the world. why am i so affected by something that is not really m,y business. why cant i learn from my sister. be indifferent to everything. i am too family oriented. i am tired from being like that. realli. i wish i can take medicine and just sleep for the next two weeks. i cant see light not. haahs.

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