I LOVE MY FAMILY, MY GIRLFRIENDS:D CANT WAIT FOR UNI LIFE TO START:D.
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I LOVE MY FAMILY, MY GIRLFRIENDS:D CANT WAIT FOR UNI LIFE TO START:D.
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♥ January 2012
title: haha. its funny how come memories always seem so perfect :) was about to fall asleep when i suddenly thought abt someone that seldom pops by in my mind alrdy. the beauty of first love. haha. just random. and thought of all the jc days. the innocence of it. talking abt random stuff and crapping , studying everyday :) the rooftop at serangoon cc that i went up to :), the secret blog that i set up, the long letters i received. how amazing had it been :)
its really great knowing that you are doing well out there :) and now i seem to have met someone that really appreciates me for just being who i am. kind of surprised. but it was a pleasant one :) i really hope that he would be the right one. and i know u would be out there giving ur blessings :) that depends on whether i go arnd the hse smiling. not yet :) |
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title: Last Exam of sem 3 Its been so long since i posted sth. By right i am suppose to study now. but its like the last exam alrdy, so really no mood. just wish that it wil be over soon somehow. was reflecting about this semester. realised that i never really put much effort into my studies, at least not as much as i shld have and not as much i i would like to. i wonder why. So many bad things have happened this sem. and its the first time i wish for this sem to end faster. ironic. cause i really enjoy university life.
It feels a bit sad to know that i haven been putting much effort in my studies this sem. Cause, i dont feel very happy too. in the sense that if u haven been studying, u shld have been doing sth that u are enjoying?! haha. ok its stil better than sem 1 when i dunno anything, and panicked every night before the exam. but this time round its a different kind of feeling. Next sem, i really have to put in more effort into studying. doing past year papers the day before the exam is really not my style and i shldnt. it had been a long and arduous semester, with me not knowing what to do, and faced with many different kinds of situations. good and bad, more of the bad though. just an overall feeling cant pinpoint any specific incident as well. just hope that tmr come quickly and next semester would be a fresh start for me :) |
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title: city hunter everytime when i start watching show, i always seem to lose track of time. will pon all the social obligations, forget al the must-dos. and just sit in front of the com and watch show. haha. i suppose this is a form of enjoyment also. though not that good for health. haha. cause keep sitting down and eating snacks. lol.
hall camp is like just a few days away, excited yet nervous. excited to knw more ppl and enoy the fun. nervous maybe cause i feel quite unprepared, like dunno wad to expect and everything. oh well. hahah. hope everythign wil turn out fine though :) after cambodia and nbs foc, quite a few health problems popped up. scare myself. haha. like headaches, migraines. blah blah blah. oh well. all the ailments starts to act up. first time i truly realise the importance of health and rest. one week of nua-ing at home to rejuvenate myself for the camp next week is quite enough. starting to feel a bit nua and sian alrdy. ahah ok back to city hunter, best show of the yr. haha. still have a lot of academic and other stuff to think abt and do. hahah. procrastination is the thief of time. how true. haha |
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title: hectic! Life had been pretty hectic for the past mth. haha. had a really wonderful experience at cambodia with my wonderful cambodia teammates :) all very nice ppl. Then went off for my nbs foc. it was really a veryy different experience being a GL. haha. i enjoyed both experience a lo i guess. both were invaluable learning experiences for me. As in it allows me to expand my comfort zone. Surviving in a foreign environment fortwo whole weeks, with ppl i hardly knw. allowed me to understand myself better. in terms of my own limits, my strengths and my weaknesses. overall i would say i did a "not-too-bad" job in both events. i might not be able to score full marks, but at the very least i did try my best :)
two weeks at cambodia wasnt that bad i guess. i was exposed to a totally different grp of ppl in a diff environment. the ppl there were really really friendly. and everythign was really slow-paced. couldnt really take it when i first reached there. everything was just slowwwww.. i was just too used to efficiency in singapore. i expect everything to be fast fast and fast. lol. i suppse i became a lot more independent as well. doing the laundry myself, taking charge of myself and everything. but there were periods where i really did become homesick. i was quite surprised too. but after a while at cambodia, i realised i stil prefer being in my comfort zone. haha. nbs foc was another great experience. allowed me to challenge my physical limits. sleep like 1-2 hrs for 5 nights straight. not to mention that i din sleep the first night. omg la. i dunno how i survived. LOL. thats why keep end up getting scolded by cheese. in certain maters i still dont think that i was wrong. after reflecting upon the entire camp. i realised, its just that in a lot of matters, i have a different perspective from him. and also, i am more people-oriented then task-oriented, so i spent most of my time hanging arnd and talking to people than doing stuff i suppose. anw, it was really nice, when i saw jinghan, one of my freshie's msg. like a thank you msg. it makes me feel that its all worth it after all:) i suppose its this kind of affirmationt hat gives me the motivation to continue wad i am doing sometimes:) it affirms me that wad i am doing is right. through both of these experiences, i get to really understand myself better. i see myself in a different light now. in a way. haha. after all, its all part of the growing up process :) I am sure that the next camp, hall camp would be another great experience altogether. working with different ppl and so forth:) really enjoy my life now. this is my nua week:) staying at home to slack and chill. might be going out tmr with cambodia peeps. i finally truly understand the meaning of happily single. sth that i had never been able to comprehend. but now i do :) |
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title: Closure and a fresh start Alright, after two mths of ambiguity, finally a definite ans. yeps not moving forward. at first i wonder, am i angry over the current state of events? angry because he was the one who initiated, yet throughout the decision always lies on his side. but when i ans, i realise i am not, weirdly. not that i am particularly nice. but i just think that, there isnt a point to be angry. since things are alrdy like this, being angry is not going to change anything. nope anger is not an emotion that i am feeling now. then i started thinking, am i upset? if i say no, i am really lying. i stil rmb yeqi once said that, i shld just let myself experience those emotions and after that move on with it. cant rmb when she said it. but yeah, kinda rmbed. allowing myself to be upset, sink to the bottom of the pits, only then can i strive on and be a stronger person. somehow i couldnt feel the sadness,
am i happy now? i really just feel restless. maybe more of relieved. i cant stand ambiguity. and i dont really like my stuff to be in the control of another person. yesterday, while talking things out, i was really very proud of myself for being able to say like 50% . haha. yeah, din talked abt everything. how can one person really tell everything. LOL. at least i said sth. albeit having a fever. haha. i am just glad that somehow, i decided to trust you thruout. nope, u didnt fail me. i still believe that ur core is good. and thanks for telling me that you really liked me before. many ppl arnd could have told me how much u are playing with me, but i knw u are not. i knw that u truly cared for me. one day i look back, i might feel dumb, naive. but in love, i always believe that its either u give your everything, or you dont give at all. i gave my everything, so i have no regrets. not every relationship can blossomed but every relationship is an invaluable experience. Logic prevails for both of us. i noticed more similarities btw us. but maybe because of so, we are not really suited to each other. i wil be waiting, waiting for tht one person who can make my emotions triumph over my logic. i went to check back some smses 1 yr ago. broke up last yr on 17th and yesterday was 18th. haha. random fact. maybe june hols have always been my bz period. thus susceptible to breakups. hahaa. time will be able to heal everything i believe. and i knw i wil find someone more suitable for me. someday:) A fresh start because i have many many activities up! cambodia trip and focs. all that i have been looking for. all these will definitely help in my recovery too. he is worried that i wil change after this and wants to ensure that i am alright. however, in front of u, how can i ever ever show my weak side again. i cant. maybe thats my last way of preserving some dignity. although not like u rejected me or sth. hahaa. but its ok, u dont need to knw. as usual, yyl will be fine. she nearly pulled somebody in, into her yellow yellow world. now, kinda exhausted cause she failed to pull that person in. but its alright anw. she will continue to stay in her happy yellow yellow world:) |
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title: contented finally catch up with joel lam! yes. after not meeting for so long. i stil believe strongly in my friend's theory. as friends grow up in different directions, the amount of time we can give each other decreases, we can no longer talk on the phone as often, go out as often, blah blah blah. but ultimately, true frens will always be there for u when u need them most. and i am really lucky cause i knw i have many many true frens anrd me. all that i wil wanna keep for life. we might not meet often, but, that doesnt mean we dont care abt each other anymore. so thankful for everythign that i have. i am sure cambodia trip would be another fulfilling experience.
went for 3 vaccinations yesterday, my arm ache badly. haha. cant even lift them up properly. sadded. haha. it had really been a fulfilling holiday. maybe too fulfilling. doing so much . and i wanna experience so much more. haha. do thigns only if u really want to and not to please others. that wad i have learnt. now, if i go for outings, its not due to social pressure or anything. it will be because i really want to go. i am sure, there will be a conclusion and direction tmr. i hope so anw. its time for a show-hand. haha. lame. |
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title: :) troubled for 2 mths alrdy, over some stuff. haha. but anw, today's post is not related to that at all. in office now. oops. slackign my last few minutes away :) just wanna say that its nice to knw that somewhere, someone that u haven really been keeping contact with actually cares abt u. yep, i am talking abt u! the one that i spoke to on msn earlier. haha. if u ever sees this. its really a nice feeling. and u are really someone special. yeps :) a great person!
met up with amy today. omg, it had been 1.5 yrs. haha. cant believe it honestly. reminisce abt jc life, harmoc, and allt he rubbish we once had.:) quite fun, and nice. yeps. catch up with all their lives. everyone is moving in different directions. sometimes, fate is really just so so playful?! haha. bringing everyone tgt from diff backgrounds, then we wil make frens with those that we are suited with?! hahha yeqi say i ahve been unhappy for 2 mths :( to think abt it, maybe. haha. but i have my happy moments too. maybe just that i never say? haha. i hope so la. haha. but now adopting a more carefree attitude!:) |
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